“The whole catastrophe”

Once upon a time, in a swamp far, far away from the primordial swamp, there lived two white faced herons. In the middle of the swamp there was a small island.

This is that island with some silly goose wandering aimlessly about.

This is the white faced heron about which the story is told. This is a lady heron although she does not always behave with charm and gentleness. I will tell you more in a minute.

This is the gentleman heron. You will notice that he is on the bank of the swamp and she isn’t.

The two heron were recently married in a non-species specific ceremony to which nobody came. In fact neither of them were at the service, but they are now a couple. It all started a while back when some of the feathers on their respective tummies started to show a hint of brown. At first neither of the two took much notice.

But she started to get a feeling that she had been given the short straw. Back and forth she wandered, all over the island. Tidying up and muttering under her breath.

“Oy vay! What a mess this is. Here I am, in the prime of my life on a pig sty of a little island. And whats he doing? I’ll tell you what’s he doing! Nothing! That’s what’s he doing. Sitting on the grass twiddling his thumbs. That’s what’s he doing.  And I’m here doing all the housework!”

“And then he wants I should welcome him when he come flying around!”

“Last time I told him exactly what I thought. I know what you’re after. I told him. All day you just sit and I have to tidy up the island. My sister over on the other island she’s got a nice island. But no! All you’ve got for me is a tiny little island with goose droppings and pigeons. That’s what I told him. Goose droppings and pigeons.”

“Get away. I got house work to do. And I got a headache.”


Meanwhile he is sent flying.

And all he has to do is practice his fishing.

And not even a fish. Just a few old leaves and rubbish. But he must get his eye in even although he has no idea why.

And then just sitting around. As she said. But what’s a bloke to do?

“You’d reckon all I can do is practice my scales. And I don’t have a piano. And I do so want to show her my new brown waist-coat. And what does she do? I’ll tell you what! ‘Come here, come here, come here. Get away, get away, get away’. Do you know how hard it is to find even a small island these days? Hmmf. Her sister. She should see that island of hers. They got that island somehow crooked. You know what I mean. Twenty Heron could live on that island. But , No! Miss la di da.

And take a look over there, on the island. My Island. I found it for her.

Anyway I’ve done a bit of a slideshow for you. I’ve titled it,

“My Island in the Sun”.

And I reckon it’s a very nice island. She should want a better island!! There’s nothing wrong with this island. Anyway the geese keep the snakes away. That’s what I told her. But No! Doesn’t make any difference.”

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39 thoughts on ““The whole catastrophe”

      1. I think this one is just addicted to the sound of metal under its beak. Some of the cars he chooses are quite neglected. Whenever I walk past, he stands up straight with that “nothing to see here” innocent look on his face. He’s quite a character.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. A shed is a workshop where the husband of the house can go and cut wood and drill holes and pretend that he is making toys for the grandchildren and other important things that means he won’t have time to wash the floor and repair the hole in the roof.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. hahaha, I had really to laugh a lot…your writing is excellent Paul, very cynical with joke ! Well a story directly from real life I would say….it´s always so difficult to see the perspectives of the other…what a beautiful couple, no?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the real reason for the shed is self evident. But I didn’t want to paint too dark a picture for Anie. Now you’ve blown the whole element of upright decency that I wished to convey.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I wouldn’t know what to do in a shed, I’m absolutely useless when it comes to using tools and hammer & nails, I’d never know where to start. My forté has always been the kitchen, and as you know a good cook HAS to have a slug of wine or beer or whiskey/whisky whilst he/she works; we don’t have to hide away in a shed.
        My dad had a shed when we lived in England, not a proper shed but our Anderson Shelter, after th war we were allowed to keep the shelters if we wanted to and my did did. He saw it’s usefulness as a shed and used it appropriately. He wasn’t a great drinker. He left that to me!

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Aha! Hmm … I have a nice movie … is shown in Germany every year on New Year’s Eve at least 5 times …. it is wonderful … even if it’s not a New Year’s Eve today … you can watch it New Year’s Eve again .. .I’m sure to watch it five times this year …

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      4. I’ve watched this and had quite a chuckle.

        I went to check on it; seems that it’s an old English sketch from the 1960’s from something written by a Lauri Wylie in the 1920’s and goes a lot longer than your 10 minute version, I haven’t watched any of those, seems it was also called “The 90th Birthday’, which probably accounts for the Happy Birthday song at the beginning.
        This link will give you the full history and it makes for interesting reading
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinner_for_One

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Ohh, you are fast. I did not know, that I sent you the short version. I just read your comment, that you are drinking while cooking and thought at this film.In fact I look it each year at 31.12., but I realized, that this film is not known in France and not even my British friends know it.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. What a pretty little spot, pity you didn’t say where it was, though it really doesn’t mean much to anybody, except perhaps Yvonne and me, we both have Victorian connections.
    Seems that it somewhere in the Metro area, I notice in the first photo, hiding amongst the trees. a road with may cars, seemingly parked.

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    1. Caulfield Park. Balaclava Road. A stones throw from my place. And Vicki – if you haven’t looked at her. she makes my photographs look decidedly amateurish. (vickialford.wordpress.com) She is a Melbourne girl.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. She s the lady who frowns on my use/misuse/lack of use of commas and things I believe and as you see I ve left them all out so she can really go to town on me
        Now take another breath

        Anyway its a lovely little /mid size /big park and you re lucky to have it so near

        And I am an Cockney boy 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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